Given for Wonder — Read

Apparently I Am ADHD-PI and Visually Dyslexic

2023-09-30T00:00:00Z

(This is another post written several years ago in 2023 but added to my blog in 2026. Sorry if that creates a time-warp conundrum. The reason for posting this is for context to help me remember my journey.)

Why can I not sit still and read for an hour?

Why do I read so much slower than others?

Why do I find it impossible to stop fidgeting and sit still?

Why do I find the prospect of having to do a load of reading for college so daunting?

These are questions that I have asked myself over the years and recently.

In the last few weeks I have started studying again - part time - at St Augustine’s College of Theology.

A lot of my time has been preoccupied with questions around ‘how will I cope?’ It’s been a long time since I have ever done anything like this and the last time I tried it was not a great experience, far from it.

In the first session of college some time was spent on ‘knowing yourself.’ I am 50 years old. Surely I know myself don’t I?

Well it turns out - not really!

This week, after a screening session I have discovered that I am ADHD-PI - Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Predominantly Inattentive.

On top of that I also discovered that I am visually dyslexic.

What does that mean in practice - well there is a ton of reading you can do on it and I am doing it in small chunks.

I am not really interested in wearing it as a label but I know it is going to help me create and discover strategies that will help as I venture forward.

What is a little disappointing is the fact that the term has disorder on the end of it. From what I have learnt so far - this is not a disorder that has happened at some point, this is part of who I am.

Psalm 139:13-14 says ‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.’

This isn’t just part of who I am. This is purposeful and intentional and part of how the Creator made me. God made me ADHD-PI. God made me mildly visually dyslexic.

For the last few years I have had the privilege of working with and interacting with adults with additional needs. It has opened my eyes to how there are so many ways of interacting with what is around us and processing what we see, hear, touch, smell, and taste. It has been amazing and made me realise how varied and complex God’s creation of us really is and we do a massive disservice to that creation by trying to limit or pigeon hole that creation into limited categories.

The reasons for sharing this?

I hope that what I have shared maybe helps you think about those around you.

I hope that what I have shared gives you permission to think about it and even ask questions of yourself.

I am happy to chat privately by message, phone or in person.

Now……..where on earth have I put my keys?!? 🤣🤪💭😳

To the School Gate

2024-02-02T00:00:00Z

(This is another post written several years ago. This post was originally written in 2024 but added to my blog in 2026. Sorry if that creates a time-warp conundrum. The reason for posting this is for context to help me remember my journey. It is unedited in the present to preserve the thought from the past)

Many years ago - like 45 years ago - Mum or Dad would walk me to school and make sure that I was safely inside my class before leaving to get on with what they needed to do that day. Invariably it would be Mum doing this as Dad was out at work.

As I grew up so that journey became less accompanied. Over the years the journey went from being with Mum or Dad to being on my own. I remember an instance that can't have been too long after I had started making the journey to school on foot on my own when I took longer than anticipated to get home. I was involved in a rehearsal after school for something and then, after the rehearsal was finished , I wandered home. My journey home was never particularly quick. I was often distracted or in a bit of a day dream. This all added to my lateness on that day and I remember getting home to a very worried Mum who hadn't known where I was. This was, of course, long before mobile phones or and personal device that could determine your whereabouts.

Mum took a lot of time and attention in looking after the family. Making sure we left on time to walk to school. Making sure we had our packed lunch. Making sure we had what we needed for that day like P.E. Kit, forms filled and signed etc.

Fast forward to now......

This is the first term, at the age of 50 and within my first year of college as part of my training for ordained ministry in the Church of England, that Mum has not been there to send me off.

Mum died just over a month ago. In the first week of December Mum was diagnosed with cancer. Three and a half weeks later Mum died.

This is a new season.

It is true to say that Mum has not been taking me to school for many years, but it is also true to say that Mum has been one of my greatest encouragers, always wanting to know what I was up to and how I was doing. I was not the only one who received this attention. Mum had an amazing ability to talk and listen and network and encourage.

Mum's encouragement has been especially valuable over these last few years as I have been journeying through the discernment process. This process is designed to dig and test and enquire and probe. Sometimes it has felt very personal and surgical. It is a process designed to collectively verify the calling that someone believes they have to enter ordained ministry. The process felt like it left no stone unturned in my life. There were hiccups and setbacks along the way, but there were also regular messages from Mum encouraging me to keep trusting in God.

Mum has been on this journey with me. Not exclusively I might add. Jo, my wife, has been a massive and solid support thus far and I know Jo will continue to be as we continue this journey together. So this reflection is not wanting to compare Mum with Jo. That is something I would never want to do.

The difference is that Mum is no longer calling or texting or sending emails of wisdom. That feels weird. It is definitely something I am not used to yet. There is still a big part of me looking forward to calling Mum and telling her what happened in a class, or how a particular event has gone. And then I realise - I can't do that anymore.

Mum was going to be the one who proof read my assignments. We were going to learn together what was required in terms of content, style and format. Mum was able to do that once. I have an essay due shortly. It feels weird that Mum won't be reading it.

From those that I have talked to that have lost a close parent the things I am going through at the moment are things that are normal in this situation. The realisation of how life has changed in the big things, but also in the little things that I din't even realise were things.

I started my ordained ministry training course at college last September.

Here is another weird bit. It is as if God knew what He was doing. Romans 8:28 says 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.'

Mum was around for my first term. Mum was around for exactly one term. I remember telling others that I knew it would take me a term to get used to a new pattern of life that included studying again.

It very much feels like God allowed me to go through that first term with Mum's encouragement and support. It almost feels like God allowed me that first term for Mum to accompany me to the school gate, just as Mum had done all those years ago.

Now that Mum is no longer around - what to do? Do I try and find someone else to fill what Mum used to do?

I believe the answer to that is no.

A Place to Begin

2026-09-11T00:00:00Z

So today the journey of this blog and website begins with you. It has been a project for quite a while which has come to the fore as I begin my journey as a curate, and we, as a family, begin this life journey very much in public ministry.

Thank you for being part of this journey with me.

This will not be polished, perfected or have all, if any, of the answers!

This is a journey written in present time. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. To be honest I don't what will happen in 30 seconds time.

Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow. (Matthew 6:34)

I heard a sermon preached once where the speaker observed that this was not a friendly suggestion by Jesus but a command. Something I still find very difficult to obey - thank you Jesus for grace!

Kingfishers in Starbucks Reflection

2026-09-11T00:00:00Z

‘Mission, it’s been said, is finding out what God is doing and joining in.’ Rowan Williams

If I want to see a living, real, live kingfisher there’s not point in going and sitting in Starbucks. It might be comfortable, it might have good coffee and cake and a good Wifi signal but it’s not where kingfishers live.

To see a living, real, live kingfisher I need to go where kingfishers live, by the river. Then I need to be patient and observe. There’s no point in saying 'I can only look on a Thursday afternoon between 3pm to 4pm.' I need to sit and wait. The kingfisher is not there to perform according to my schedule.

To find out what God is doing requires looking in the right places for the right amount of time.

That requires patience & submission.

When am I, or when are we going into the community to see what is happening?

When students are at school?
When workers are at work?
When the chippy is open?
When the pubs are closing?

Is one snapshot enough to get a good picture? Probably not!

How many pictures do we need to see or even understand to grasp the context?

So how do we find out what God is doing?

How much time to I spend doing, rather than being?

How much time do give for being with others that isn't predicated with a task or reason for the shared time of being.

Prayer

Father God,

Slow me down.

Inspire me, challenge me, convict me and help me to notice.

To notice you in those I encounter.

To notice you in the big and small.

Amen.

My Rule of Sabbath

2026-09-12T00:00:00Z

(This will be a growing post and I will try to remember to date stamp each addition)

Opening Questions - 12th September, 2026

What is the original meaning of sabbath?
What does sabbath mean in 2026?
How does sabbath apply to me and to us as a family and a community?